Mercury Vs
by Hapless-Ace
Summary: A look into the weird life of top assassin Mercury Black as he faces new challenges everyday with his new best friend, the huntsman elite, Jaune. Based after DevilArtemis’ Cell Vs., but I do take request scenarios
1. Mercury vs The Huntsmen Elite

Hello folks, I've decided to start a gag series called Mercury vs. that's done in the same vein as DevilArtemis' Cell vs. series. The cast will feature Mercury as Perfect Cell, and Jaune as Kermit. Other characters will be used however I see fit, and while a lot of these will be both DevilArtemis homages, and my own original pieces, I'm open to requests you all have.

~~~Line Break~~~

Now you may be wondering to yourself, Jaune and Mercury friends? How did this happen? Well it started as any normal day at a comic shop until Mercury, and Jaune saw another. Mercury had gotten into a fighting stance.

"You fool, you can't possibly stand a chance. I'm a huntsman elite?" Jaune asked as he drew his sword.

Mercury smirked deciding to play along "Well with enough drugs even someone like me can surpass an elite."

"It's useless, I'm going to kick Cinder's whore ass." Jaune said.

"Wait you're trying to kick Cinder's ass?" Mercury asked

"Well yeah." Jaune replied.

"Oh my god, so am I." Mercury said getting out of his stance. "Did we?"

Jaune lowered his sword. "Did we become best friends?"

'Let me tell you about my best friend.' Plays as a montage Mercury and Jaune go about doing several friendly activities. They went to a convention, talked with cosplayers, rode bikes, played children's card games, threw money at a pole dancing Neo, had a sleepover, and took turns kicking Tyrian after they broke his arms and legs.

"Jaune would you like to do the honors?" Mercury asked after holding a baseball bat out for Jaune.

"It would be my pleasure." Jaune grinned as he took the bat, and looked at a bound Cinder.


	2. Mercury vs Raven Part 1

Mercury Black was laughing as silver lightning vibrated around him before he clenched his hands into fists "Haha! Seems I finally have my semblance back! Thanks to that stupid scorpion, and Cinder, I'm even more awesome! All this power, but no one to test it on."

"Then allow me to entertain you boy." A voice called out from behind him.

Mercury turned around, and was met with the sight of the last person he expected to see. "What in God's name? Raven?!"

Raven Branwen gave the young assassin a malicious grin as she drew her blade. "In the flesh, and what a coincidence. I've also become more powerful." The older woman said now having an M on her forehead.

"Uh-huh, what's with the M on your forehead?" Mercury asked

Raven gave a small laugh with little mirth to it " A simple price that I have paid for power.."

The assassin raised a brow, looking very unamused by her proclamation. "Yeah, so what's it stand for?"

"What?" Raven asked, surprised the young man before her wasn't intimidated by her.

"What's the M stand for?" He'd asked her for the second time.

Raven scoffed before looking away "I…I don't know…"

Mercury wasn't very amused by her answer, not one bit. "You have the letter M on your head, and you don't know what it means."

"It's the letter M, what's the big deal child?" Raven crosses her arms not getting why he cared so much about a damn M.

Mercury's mouth soon twisted into a huge shit eating grin. "Oh look at me it's Raven Branwen, the magpie of all Bandits."

Raven a tick mark appeared on Raven's forehead tench to her M. "Don't you go there!" Raven growled through gritted teeth.

"See the M could stand for anything." Mercury smirked as he just reveled in Raven's annoyance.

"I am not a Magpie you cocky little shit!" Raven hollered finely losing more of her temper.

Mercury shrugged, and rested his hands behind his head. "Then what's the M stand for? Mega Bitch?"

"No!" Raven growled her tone becoming very Murderous

"Meathead!" Mercury offered

Raven's face was turning redder than her battle gear, and ground her teeth in rage. "No!"

Mercury's already wise grin grew wider as he looked Raven in the eyes. "Minecraft."

Raven had nearly lost it by this point as she'd drawn her Ōdachi. "I will fucking kill you!"

Mercury's expression became blank, but he didn't hide the amusement in his tone. "MILF"

Raven's face twisted into an expression of both shocked and angry. "Don't you dare." She nearly whispered.

Mercury kept looking her in the eyes before opening his mouth again. "Raven Branwen, the MILF of all bandits."

Raven has a shocked look on her face before she created a large explosion around them.


	3. Mercury vs Emerald

And here's a request Chapter I got over Discord, enjoy.

* * *

Mercury chuckled as he looked at Emerald before getting in his fighting stance. "Come on Em, you're really trying to fight me?"

"Oh please Mercury, I can beat you without even throwing a bunch, or shooting my guns." Emerald crossed her arms over her chest.

Mercury snorted, and looked Emerald in her eyes. "Let's test that theory then."

Emerald shook her head. "I'm telling you Merc you're going to lose."

"Heh, and I say you're full of it." Mercury said before running at Emerald.

'5...4...' Emerald began to mentally count down.

Mercury started running faster as he prepared to launch a flying kick at Emerald.

'1.' She thought before lifting up her crop top as Mercury jumped up.

Mercury was about to execute a perfect flying kick before he noticed Emerald's top go up, and the only thing that was on his mind was 'Pierced?!'.

Emerald smirked as she watched Mercury go flying head first into a wall, and lowered her top back down. "Told you." She said before blowing a kiss at the disoriented assassin and walked off.

Jaune had watched the whole thing while eating a bucket of popcorn, and was very impressed by what he saw. "Wow Merc, who knew Emerald could rival Yang." he said to his disoriented friend.

"Pierced." Was all Mercury moaned.


End file.
